Skip to main content

Pinball wizard is falling

I've had some unusual titles to my posts, but I'm fairly certain this one takes trumps them all! Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride getting to the reason for this wacky title . . .

I sat down to pray Sunday and was thankful God knew my heart because the prayers were scattered! I started praying for a friend who'd been in a terrible car accident, and then her husband,and then mine who was traveling to see the husband (his bestie, though I'm fairly certain they would never, ever refer to one another as 'besties' and might instead die of embarrassment at the term), then greater understanding into their bond of friendship. Then I got an answer to the prayer of understanding - brotherhood. So then the prayer bounced to my sons that they have such a bond as their father and his friend, and then on to my son Michael's exams in law school and then on to my daughter who also is heading into exam week for her first year in college in St. Louis. Then the prayers bounced to Ferguson and the unrest and praying for peace, which then led to prayers for peace on earth, which had me singing "let their be peace on earth" (I was grateful no one was home to hear me but the dog), which led to prayers that I not be too disheartened or depressed that my nest was empty, which led to prayers that I find joy in decorating my home for Christmas when it was just John and I until the middle of December . . . the prayers continued along this way until I bounced back to my friend Ellen in the hospital. 

This disjointed time in prayer could not have been more than five minutes but I had been all over the map. And the picture of a pinball came to mind - my prayers and thoughts bounce around like a pinball. I'm a pinball wizard. (to which I am currently singing Pinball Wizard by the Who, much my dog's chagrin!)

Which leads me to falling - though I cannot connect you dear reader to this 'bounce' just yet but hold on, we're getting there!

I've had a few falls lately. Nothing major, just adding a bump on my head and few colorful bruises that I liken to my personality. Colorful. Anyway, they've occurred at home when I wasn't paying close attention to what I was doing (getting dressed) or where I was walking (the kitchen). In the case of getting dressed, I was pulling on my shirt and just as it was going over my head I noticed something on the vanity that I'd been looking for and that slight shift in focus caused me to topple. It takes less and less these days for me to topple! And in the case of walking, it was a similar shift in focus that tripped me up and fell me. 

Here is the tie that binds the wizard to falling - because my thoughts were bouncing, I was falling. There, I did it - I'm the pinball wizard and I'm falling.

I have to work on the falling. I do it gracefully enough not to break anything - yet - but it could happen and so I need to rely more on the assistive devices I have (like my canes and walker) because I can't change my bouncing brain. I use the cane/walker when I'm out-and-about, but not at home. 

And that last brainstorm, about needing to use my cane/walker at home, came as an answer to a prayer this morning that started as a prayer for my friend Ellen . . . the pinball wizard's thoughts/prayers will continue to bounce that won't change. 

Comments

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

When an ass is so much more

  Body image. Body positivity.  Or about coming to an appreciation for a previously much maligned back end.  In junior high (that's middle school for all of you non boomers), I was given the nickname "big butt Bowen". It was a nickname that stung because I did indeed have a large ass. I tried to mask it, a difficult endeavor since the current fashion (and remember this is junior high when fitting in was paramount) was wearing hip hugger jeans with midriff tops and my disguise of choice were peasant blouses or dresses. That style choice earned an additional nickname, Mama Cass. For those of you that don't know who Mama Cass was, she was part of the Mamas and Papas and known for her beautiful voice but also for her large body.  All about Mama Cass I was cruelly nicknamed at a time when nicknames can really mess with a girl's psyche. And I spent a lifetime as that girl with the messed up psyche. I'm sure there are more than one of you out there that can relate. B...

Fall of Giants

I've long been a fan of historical fiction and just this past Christmas I received from my son Michael Ken Follett's most recent book, Fall of Giants. It is the first book of a trilogy that covers the 20th century and the first installment covers the early 1900s up to just after World War I. It includes characters based in Russia in the time of their revolution. While I studied the Russian Revolution in college, this book brought much back to me - including the chaos that reigned for years leading up to the revolution and continuing throughout. I write about this today because the Egyptian revolution reminds me of the Russian revolution. The Russian revolution started out quietly and largely as a protest against a harsh and autocratic government - the Tsar. The Russian people didn't have a say in their government and were very poor while the royalty in Russia lived large. The secret police in Russia often killed and imprisoned people for no apparent reason and there were ...

Vulnerability hangover

I recently blogged about my own #MeToo experiences and then went silent. (At least on the blog). Those posts have been read by over 1000 people, and that's a lot for this tiny little blog about living a life with MS and God and with a sense of humor. Suddenly, I felt like I was living in a world where people that read my blog had x-ray vision and could see my nakedness - but I didn't know who they were. It wasn't a good feeling. And then I heard someone discuss Brene Brown, in particular what she describes as a 'vulnerability hangover'. It's essentially the feeling of regret, like after a night of binge drinking, when you think "What did I do/say?" and then "I think I'll just hide out from the world." If you've never had that experience, kudos to you. It's shame, pure and simple, ugly and raw. So, now I'm on a Brene Brown binge, including all of her TED talks. Including this one on shame:  Brene, listening to shame ...