The Glass is Half-Full

It seems appropriate, in a strange-only in my head-sort of way, and keeping with my theme recently of rolling, that the song playing in my head lately is  "Roll out the barrel . . ." As I've been rolling lately instead of walking, I seem to have added to my girth and it has landed, like a big ole roll around my mid-section. It's happened gradually over the last year and I attempted to: 1)   Deny and/or; 2)   Cover and/or; 3)   Exercise and/or; 4)   Change my diet. Well, the "And/Or Plan" wasn't working because my waist kept expanding and with that expansion my motivation (which is minimal on a good day!) was dwindling. So, with a roll around my midsection and "Roll out the barrel" playing in my head, I rolled into Weight Watchers three weeks ago. I had weighed myself at home and the number on that scale was sad - but I guess I should have had my glasses on when looking because the scale at WW showed me a number th...

Emerson Marie and me. Taken last week at Chrissy Field in the Golden Gate Park I've written in the past about my travails with this damned MS - mostly about falling in very public places and trying to overcome the embarrassment of landing in full view of many and at awkward moments. I've written about trying to overcome my concern of 'what others think' and probably vowed a gazillion times to move on valiantly with my life with MS. I wrote about being 'too sexy for my cane' and then having to reluctantly move on using a walker for my primary mode of transportation. Well, today, I am without my cane and my walkers sit in storage! Not because I'm too sexy or I've gotten stronger and can now do marathons (even it I could, I wouldn't! I've never understood running unless it was running to a party or away from my past. I mean you're running, often in public, and getting all sweaty and parts are jiggling for all to see and I have knock knees s...

I've had some unusual titles to my posts, but I'm fairly certain this one takes trumps them all! Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride getting to the reason for this wacky title . . . I sat down to pray Sunday and was thankful God knew my heart because the prayers were scattered! I started praying for a friend who'd been in a terrible car accident, and then her husband,and then mine who was traveling to see the husband (his bestie, though I'm fairly certain they would never, ever refer to one another as 'besties' and might instead die of embarrassment at the term), then greater understanding into their bond of friendship. Then I got an answer to the prayer of understanding - brotherhood. So then the prayer bounced to my sons that they have such a bond as their father and his friend, and then on to my son Michael's exams in law school and then on to my daughter who also is heading into exam week for her first year in college in St. Louis. Then the pray...

{ I found this draft while reading through my blog - I have many entries that I've never 'published' often using my blog space as a journal. At the time of this writing, I remember not wanting to post this because the feelings it elicited were too raw and painful. I am, much to my chagrin and to those that love me, a fairly proud woman. And this disease MS often seems to strip that pride, leaving me feeling wholly vulnerable and naked to the world - without my publishing it for all the world to read. Today, however, when I read this I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit, to bare all on this frigid day and remember how cold and naked I felt on a hot summer day.} We moved to our home 11 years ago - and one of the primary reasons we moved here was because of the proximity to Lake Michigan. I love the lake - the sounds of the waves crashing lull me to sleep, the beach inspires me on many levels and swimming in it's calmer waters is relaxing and cooling! Yet, after these 1...

I put my pride aside and got my ass off the grass and into the wheelchair. {I spent a couple minutes deciding whether to put an exclamation mark after that declaration or to put the period after that statement. I think the period better suits my mood about getting said ass into the wheelchair!} On July 4, Saugatuck has a wonderfully unique parade that includes quirky participants like the artsy-fartsy campers at OxBow art colony and the LGBT members of a local foundation along with the more traditional participants like Girl Scouts, fire trucks, and local politicians. It had been a couple years since I had been to the parade, this year, though, my Mom and sister were in town and I wanted to take them. So we loaded up in the van, including Kerri's wheelchair and my own. Once we parked, John asked if I wanted to use my chair and I initially balked but then remembered that it can be a long, hot parade and it might be better to have a place to sit. So, I acquiesced and took the cha...

Okay the glass may be half full, but right now it's filled with something other than liquids. I feel like crap. That's all I can say about that. It was a possibility that the crap was going to hit the fan - stress isn't kind on the bodies of people with MS. And while a lot of the stress I've been experiencing lately has been good (state championship games and high school play rehearsals and Thanksgiving and a new puppy) - my body is reacting. I won't go into all the gory details - suffice it to say that walking is challenging, fatigue is my new BFF, and numbness all over is the new 'normal'. It's a half-full glass of suckiness. I actually have a home nurse coming tomorrow to load me up with solmedurol - an IV steroid. It's an exacerbation and I have been fortunate (see there's a positive) to have had few of these in my nearly 20 years with this awful disease. I hate that I have to use a cane. I hate that I can't take my little black hav...

I was once accused of laying down on the job. The accusation should have cut me to the quick instead I snickered. I was once accused (this time erroneously) of having had more than my fair share of Shiraz. Instead of laughing, I argued vehemently that it was not alcohol that felled me. I was once accused of being a healthy young woman. That accusation brought silent tears of rage at the inaccuracy. I have Multiple Sclerosis until about six years ago, it was a disease that most people could not even tell I had. Now, as I walk with a shuffle and spend far more time resting, the secret is out. MS is a disease that affects nearly 500,000 people in the United States. More women than men get the disease and it is usually diagnosed between the ages of 20 and 40. MS is a disease of the nervous system and affects each person differently. While researchers contend there is no genetic component (many assert there may be a genetic predisposition), my two sisters have the disease ...

Grace has never been one of my characteristics - physical grace that is. So when multiple sclerosis made me even klutzier, I should have been able to mentally handle the number of falls. After all, I've been tripping for years and have usually managed to maintain my sense of humor. One particular occasion had me nearly running into a corporate conference room for an important sales presentation and tripping over the carpet ledge; all the materials in my arms went flying - scattering across the conference table and landing nearly perfectly in front of the six executives waiting around the table. A little curtsy and a comical "Ta-Dah" and the tension was quickly broken. If I remember correctly, I landed the sizeable sale and the client often referred back to my entrance as a great sales ploy! Today, however, I found it difficult to laugh after landing once again on my knees. In front of the same exact restaurant/bar that I had tripped in front of the previous week. I thoug...