Skip to main content

Rockin' and Rollin', Mostly Rollin'

Emerson Marie and me. Taken last week at Chrissy Field in the Golden Gate Park

I've written in the past about my travails with this damned MS - mostly about falling in very public places and trying to overcome the embarrassment of landing in full view of many and at awkward moments. I've written about trying to overcome my concern of 'what others think' and probably vowed a gazillion times to move on valiantly with my life with MS. I wrote about being 'too sexy for my cane' and then having to reluctantly move on using a walker for my primary mode of transportation. Well, today, I am without my cane and my walkers sit in storage! Not because I'm too sexy or I've gotten stronger and can now do marathons (even it I could, I wouldn't! I've never understood running unless it was running to a party or away from my past. I mean you're running, often in public, and getting all sweaty and parts are jiggling for all to see and I have knock knees so I'm sure I'm a comedy skit for someone who witnessed my previous attempts. And it makes you pregnant - but that's another story!). 

Sorry for that digression - but running in public should probably be a future essay.

I no longer use the cane or walker because I've moved on to a wheelchair. After three falls while using one of the previously mentioned, now gathering dust, walkers - I'm now four-wheeling. Like my previous transitions, however, I didn't move on gracefully and this one is probably the most difficult. Well, not probably, but definitely the most difficult. 

I knew it was coming. It was a struggle to walk. There was a time last summer when I was at Meijer (for those of you unfamiliar with this store, it's a clean, Midwestern version of a sprawling Walmart superstore where you can get your salmon and bait, lingerie and hunting gear - you get the picture.) and walking to the check out. I was bone tired and ready to get to the car so I could sit down. I must have been quite the picture, because the manager was walking towards me and then looked back to see lines in the other check out lanes. He immediately went to the open lane next to him and said he'd take care of me here. I then had first class assistance to my car, loading my groceries. At the time,though, I just thought it was great service because it was a new location but in hindsight I realized because I must have been seriously dragging holding on to the cart for dear life. I was often so tired after shopping, that I didn't have the energy or ability to unload the groceries once I got home.

One of the falls using the walker actually occurred after a Meijier trip (pun intended). I was trying to bring some of the loot from my car in the garage into the house on my walker, when I twisted my right ankle (the foot that had healed from a break in May) and couldn't stand. So I made a couple trips, crawling, from where the groceries were spilled in the garage into the house. I left the rest in the car. I sat on the floor and cried - partially from pain but mostly from recognition that I just couldn't do it anymore. And I prayed for clarity and discernment - asking God if I should be trying to still trying to walk. When I looked up, the first thing I saw was the wheelchair I had been using when I'd broken my foot. I'd say that was a pretty clear answer to prayer.

Funny thing about prayer - God always listens to our prayers and He answers our prayers but not always in the way we want or when we want. I had been praying prior to incident in the garage, but I'd been asking God to give me the strength to keep walking. I kept falling, then even when using the walker. This time, I prayed for His answer to what I should be doing - and the answer was the wheelchair in the corner. 
So, I'm rolling. 

When we had our recent trip to California (more on this next), we were having drinks at the Top of the Mark with a group from the conference John was attending. My conference buddy, Andrea Darr (she will be another essay!) asked me to dance. The band was playing disco (I love disco because there is no better music to dance to!) and Motown (the second best music to dance to!) and I hesitated for a second or maybe a nano-second before rolling onto the dance floor. Here's a funny thing when dancing while wheeling, you become a center of attention. (Kerri, I'm sure you could have told me this!) The lead singer in the band, came out to dance a bit with me and fellow dancers surrounded me - one man tried to spin me but I kind of freaked about my chair moving and stopped the spin! I wanted to get up and dance, so desperately I longed to get on my feet and do the hustle or bust a move, but I knew God had me in the chair and in the chair I would stay. Dancing the night away - well not really because John and I were still on Eastern time and left the party about 45 minutes later.

So, I'm still rockin' and rollin'. But mostly rolling.


Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

When a New Year begins with only whispers of the previous year

  I spent the last 45 days of 2024 suffering with a wee bit of the plague.  It didn't completely stop me, but it came close. I only briefly came out of my isolation to participate in the Lakeshore Community Chorus' holiday concert, to take care of the world's most adorable bairn and then celebrate his first birthday, to attend Christmas Eve worship, to see the bio-pic of Bob Dylan, celebrate NYE with the previously mentioned adorable grandson and his parents and to have short visits with my daughter from a different mother/father and her adorable daughter. I don't think I missed any 'events'. After each of these 'events' I then went back to my cocoon (the recliner in the living room, with my blankie and water bottle). There I could cough, sneeze and ache in relative comfort with my tissues, Mucinex and Advil nearby. I also discovered the comfort of an occasional hot toddy. When there were no signs of improvement, I went to my doctor and she prescribed an...
1 comment
Read more

When it snows and blows

  be careful what you wish/pray for. On Christmas Eve, I was lamenting the lack of snow. "When it's winter, I'd rather there was snow on the ground," I mused, "instead of this ugly grayness." Well, there's snow on the ground and plenty of it. In fact, I estimate about 250 inches (though we all know how bad I am at math) and there's more coming down and even more in the forecast. Looking out, it's kind of pretty. Like a snow globe. As a four-wheeler, I feel though almost trapped inside that snow globe because traversing the snow is difficult and messy in a wheelchair. Imagine pushing a stroller through a sandy beach and you have an inkling about the challenges of propelling my chair through deep snow. And sometimes, getting the snow off the wheels of the chair is a frustrating task. I towel off the wheels, but they are still a little wet and/or dirty. Imagine coming in from the snow, wiping your boots on a mat but then walking in to the house with...
Post a Comment
Read more

When being negative is positive and other wonky 'things' in the time of Covid

The world is upside down and back ass-ward. Know what I mean? I was chatting with a cousin the other day and her potential exposure to the corona virus. I wrote, "I'll say prayers for negative results for all. Don't like negativity but these days negative is a positive." Back ass-ward. Remember when we first went in to shut-down mode in mid-March? We were told that it was to flatten the curve of hospital admissions so that our ICU's didn't run out of capacity and to ease the virus' spread. It felt then like we were in this together, all of us were going to help beat this virus and stay home. (Aside from the run on toilet paper!) We were committed, or so it seemed, and our closets were going to be cleaned, our junk drawers were going to be a thing of the past, our garages/basements/and other yucky places were going to gleam. We were going to read "War and Peace" or "Hamilton" or other weighty tomes that we'd always wanted to read. We...
Post a Comment
Read more