The Glass is Half-Full

  You, dear reader, kind of know me. My blog title, the glass is half full, gives you a clue into my predisposition. I find the positive in nearly every situation. Or, more accurately, 'found' the positive. I'm struggling. And I know that I'm not alone. There is just so so so so much to struggle with - emotionally, physically, mentally that it's difficult not to get overwhelmed. Know what I mean? I listened to a great sermon last Sunday. I felt uplifted and motivated to be the change - to live like Christ and lean in to the Holy Spirit and to focus on all that is "true, honorable, worthy of respect, right ...brings peace...worthy of praise" (this is a terrible paraphrase of Philippians 4:8 but you get the picture, and I'm sure God won't mind if it's not perfect when I'm trying to concisely communicate the point). John and I were in great moods as we had those words on our minds and we saw a sign that read "Sprinkle goodness like confet...

The world is upside down and back ass-ward. Know what I mean? I was chatting with a cousin the other day and her potential exposure to the corona virus. I wrote, "I'll say prayers for negative results for all. Don't like negativity but these days negative is a positive." Back ass-ward. Remember when we first went in to shut-down mode in mid-March? We were told that it was to flatten the curve of hospital admissions so that our ICU's didn't run out of capacity and to ease the virus' spread. It felt then like we were in this together, all of us were going to help beat this virus and stay home. (Aside from the run on toilet paper!) We were committed, or so it seemed, and our closets were going to be cleaned, our junk drawers were going to be a thing of the past, our garages/basements/and other yucky places were going to gleam. We were going to read "War and Peace" or "Hamilton" or other weighty tomes that we'd always wanted to read. We...

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Have you ever made lemonade from fresh lemons? I haven't but I've got to believe it's a lot of work. I mean first you have to buy a LOT of lemons. One recipe I found said that you'd need five pounds at an average cost of $2/lb means your lemons would set you back $10. I'm not a mathematician, as my friends, family and coworkers can attest, so I used a calculator so you can trust my math. And then you'll need 2 cups of sugar - at a cost of about $1.70 for 32 oz. that equates to (again, I used a calculator so you can trust my math) 85 cents for your pitcher of lemonade. So, for your pitcher of lemonade it would cost $10.85 (again,  the calculator was used). According to my research and the recipes I read, it will take approximately 15 minutes to make your pitcher, because you have to boil the water with the sugar, squeeze the lemons, remove the seeds, stir and I'm guessing sweat and swear at why the hell you...

Song lyrics or titles run through my mind to often sum up a situation or add humor to one. Today, it's "Don't Cry for Me Argentina". Only today the title is "Don't cry for me anybody"! I mean, I get it, that people feel bad that I've got breast cancer and that I've been living with MS for nearly 27 years. And I've had other issues that I've blogged about related to #metoo. I get that it seems like a lot looking in from the outside. I hear your comments and appreciate your support. But here's the thing, it doesn't feel overwhelming to me, looking out from the inside. Know what I mean? I live the life that I've been dealt and do it with the personality and faith I've been given. Which means, I could do one of the following: A. Have a miserable, pity-me attitude that would lead to being  miserable; B. Lean into my troubles and seek answers constantly either through research or angrily with God, which would lea...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today is the day I begin, at last, treatment. Today is the day I begin to kick cancer's ass. Today is the day I start infusing ugly, nasty, side-affect laden, toxic chemicals for the greater good. Today is a day that I wish I could rewrite the script for completely deleting the part requiring me to need breast cancer chemo. And yet, here it is and at 1:15 EST I will be at the Cancer & Hematology Center in Holland. It's where I will be a lot for the next five months. It's where I will, I'm sure (and surety is something I have less of these days as I know not how I will respond to chemo), create new friendships and forge bonds with people that I am currently unfamiliar. Because that's who I am; a lover of people and a woman that wants to know and love on all the people she comes to meet.  I don't know why I have breast cancer but someday I will ask God (along with a whole bunch of other questions!). I do b...

Emerson Marie and me. Taken last week at Chrissy Field in the Golden Gate Park I've written in the past about my travails with this damned MS - mostly about falling in very public places and trying to overcome the embarrassment of landing in full view of many and at awkward moments. I've written about trying to overcome my concern of 'what others think' and probably vowed a gazillion times to move on valiantly with my life with MS. I wrote about being 'too sexy for my cane' and then having to reluctantly move on using a walker for my primary mode of transportation. Well, today, I am without my cane and my walkers sit in storage! Not because I'm too sexy or I've gotten stronger and can now do marathons (even it I could, I wouldn't! I've never understood running unless it was running to a party or away from my past. I mean you're running, often in public, and getting all sweaty and parts are jiggling for all to see and I have knock knees s...

I've had some unusual titles to my posts, but I'm fairly certain this one takes trumps them all! Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride getting to the reason for this wacky title . . . I sat down to pray Sunday and was thankful God knew my heart because the prayers were scattered! I started praying for a friend who'd been in a terrible car accident, and then her husband,and then mine who was traveling to see the husband (his bestie, though I'm fairly certain they would never, ever refer to one another as 'besties' and might instead die of embarrassment at the term), then greater understanding into their bond of friendship. Then I got an answer to the prayer of understanding - brotherhood. So then the prayer bounced to my sons that they have such a bond as their father and his friend, and then on to my son Michael's exams in law school and then on to my daughter who also is heading into exam week for her first year in college in St. Louis. Then the pray...

The past two days have passed with little joy and I find that I'm restless and cannot focus. I don't like being home because of the thousand reminders of my sweet Sandy and yet I can't be away because I don't feel like engaging in anything other than my own personal sorrow. Yes, she was 'just a dog' but oh what a dog she was. . . I learned a lot about loyalty and unconditional love from Sandy. And in that, I believe that God gives us these loving dogs so that we can learn a little about His love for us - that unconditional love. Even on my worst day when I might not have been paying much attention to Sandy, she was still there and still loving. Wow. There is no doubt in my mind that putting her down and out of her misery was the right thing for Sandy - she must have been so riddled with cancer and in such pain. Her last day she couldn't even keep water down; I imagine that her entire body must have been affected by the cancer. Then I think back to her last d...

I believe there are two kinds of people - those that see the glass as half full and those that see it as half empty. At different points in our lives, we can change from one to the other - having a great run on life and the glass is half full but once that run ends our perspective is likely to change. At this point in my life, my glass is not only half full but sometimes overflowing. And it's not because life is free of troubles, it's because I know that I'm not in the driver seat and that I'll be okay because God is the driver. It would be THE time to switch perspectives - with my husband of 22 years recuperating from a grueling seven-week cancer treatment for his throat cancer, and having a sister currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and the other still not at the five-year mark, and all three of us having multiple sclerosis and . . . well, you get the idea. I could be switching to a more pessimistic attitude but it's not in me because I feel His prese...