Skip to main content

Head Over Heels

Grace has never been one of my characteristics - physical grace that is. So when multiple sclerosis made me even klutzier, I should have been able to mentally handle the number of falls.



After all, I've been tripping for years and have usually managed to maintain my sense of humor.

One particular occasion had me nearly running into a corporate conference room for an important sales presentation and tripping over the carpet ledge; all the materials in my arms went flying - scattering across the conference table and landing nearly perfectly in front of the six executives waiting around the table. A little curtsy and a comical "Ta-Dah" and the tension was quickly broken. If I remember correctly, I landed the sizeable sale and the client often referred back to my entrance as a great sales ploy!



Today, however, I found it difficult to laugh after landing once again on my knees. In front of the same exact restaurant/bar that I had tripped in front of the previous week. I thought I was paying attention to where I was walking and the constant mantra "Don't trip, don't trip" played in my head. Didn't seem to matter. Down I went for the second time today. I couldn't smile or even pretend to be anything but embarrassed. There wasn't anyone around that I could see, but this I know - it doesn't matter because in my mind there were several witnesses to the fall.



And here's the rub - I shouldn't care what others think, but I do. I wonder if these imaginary witnesses are imagining that I've consumed a few too many cocktails and they're too embarrassed to acknowledge that they saw me go down. That's what I think each and every time I trip and fall in public. It's hard to have a sunny disposition when you're frequently falling down.



I know that one of the reasons I fell both times today was my mind was elsewhere. I wasn't paying attention. There has been a lot on my plate lately and I have had a particulary emotional day - so instead of concentrating on each step I was thinking instead of these other emotional issues. So when I fell, I was already at wit's end - there was no humor from which to draw. Instead this afternoon, when I made it safely back to my car - I cried. A cathartic cry. And then I called my sister who also has MS and seems to understand better than anyone what it's like to be head over heels.



Tomorrow, as Scarlett O'Hara said so well, is another day.

Comments

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Ch ... Ch ... Chemo

I was ready. I was prepared. The potential side-effect list was long and one I'd had some familiarity when John went through his treatment.  So I gathered my arsenal. I had my compazine, zofran and antivan. I had my ginger chewables and chicken noodle soup. I was armed and potentially dangerous. So, chemo day with the toxic chemo cocktail starting to do it's job, I envisioned it as either PacMan, eating away at the cancer cells or a Chia Pet, allowing my good cells to thrive. With these visions, (that aren't quite Christmas Eve sugar plums dancing) and tired from the chemo, I went to bed early. Friday, under the watchful eye of my caregiving hubby, I slept most of the day away. Not really hungry but not nauseous either. I spent the majority of the day horizontal on the couch listening to my book on Audible (despite the sleep timer, I probably missed 1/3 of what I 'read'), dozing, answering calls and texts, and snacking.  Perhaps the highlight of the ...

The "I'll Nevers" of growing older

  Years ago as a freelance writer, I submitted an essay entitled "The I'll Nevers of Parenting". It was a list, mostly, of things I had said prior to having children and the crow I was then eating because of the stupidity of the claims. You know little pearls of 'wisdom' that only someone who hasn't experienced the joys of  parenting could utter, like: I will never yell at my child in public or I will never let my child eat dinner in front of the television or my children will never stay up past 9 pm. I yelled at my children (usually when we were both tired and totally irrational!) in public. One time, as we were in the drop off lane at school with a long line of cars behind us, the boys hoped out of the car but Delaney was insisting on something that for the life of me I cannot recall and I was insisting that she get out of the van. We crept along, van door still open, until I got to the end of the line and yelled at the top of my voice, "Delaney get the...

Values - pass it on.

If you have read my blog in the past or know me at all, you know that sports in general and football in particular are not one of my favorite things to watch. Unless of course, one of my sons is playing - then get out of my way as I cheer them on! It is with a lot of frustration that I have seen more televised football games in recent weeks than there are hairs on my head. Okay that might be a slight exaggeration - but only slight . So if you're like me, you have seen the plethora of commercials from the Foundation for a Better Life. They are wonderful, heartfelt little life snippets - and they all end with the tag line, "Values, pass it on." Some of the most memorable are: The girl with Downs syndrome that is crowned prom queen. The skater 'dude' that is seen running through the alleys and streets with a woman's purse in his hands until he gets to the city bus where he gives the purse to a woman that is disembarking. He says, "You left this on the b...