Skip to main content

Patient no more!

I am thrilled to have something positive and affirming to focus on - the results of John's PET scan came back and it shows all clear!! The Ziggy cloud seems to be moving and I feel I can see the sun!!! It was the light at the end of the tunnel that has been guiding us along the way.

We will celebrate with a dinner out on Saturday - and I'm sure it will be an ongoing celebration each time we are reminded, again, about the good news. The past six months have been an arduous lesson in what is really important in this life.

We took Michael back to school on Tuesday - and this year was a lot less emotional for this mom. Maybe it's because I'm numb from the many tests endured this year. Maybe it was less disquieting because it was his second year and we knew it was a good place for Michael. Maybe it was on account that his housemates were upstanding and quite likable. Maybe because Michael, himself, was so eager to return. Most likely, however, is the combination of the all of the above.

So the patient is no longer a patient and I no longer need to be the patient caregiver (I wasn't very patient after all!). I can once again return to my place of normalcy - that of wife and overly involved mother. And maybe, this year once school resumes, I will find my discipline and return to that comfortable position of "writer". I am feeling the call.

Comments

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Ch ... Ch ... Chemo

I was ready. I was prepared. The potential side-effect list was long and one I'd had some familiarity when John went through his treatment.  So I gathered my arsenal. I had my compazine, zofran and antivan. I had my ginger chewables and chicken noodle soup. I was armed and potentially dangerous. So, chemo day with the toxic chemo cocktail starting to do it's job, I envisioned it as either PacMan, eating away at the cancer cells or a Chia Pet, allowing my good cells to thrive. With these visions, (that aren't quite Christmas Eve sugar plums dancing) and tired from the chemo, I went to bed early. Friday, under the watchful eye of my caregiving hubby, I slept most of the day away. Not really hungry but not nauseous either. I spent the majority of the day horizontal on the couch listening to my book on Audible (despite the sleep timer, I probably missed 1/3 of what I 'read'), dozing, answering calls and texts, and snacking.  Perhaps the highlight of the ...

Love in the time of pandemic

When I first met this man, in 1982 at PT O'Malley's in East Lansing after a miserable loss to Ohio State, I had no idea it was THE pivotal moment of my life and the start of a lifetime journey. If I had known, I would probably have dressed better and had someone take a picture of us dancing in front of the jukebox (before I chose to dip without telling him and we both landed on the floor!). I started to get the idea, however, that he was my life-partner later that night when he asked if he could drive me home and I said yes. Prior to my agreement, I probably should have ascertained where he parked - because we had to walk from the pub on Grand River Avenue to the back-forty, commuter lot on the other side of campus. For those unfamiliar with MSU's campus in the '80s, it was about a gazillion miles!! We never made it, because we were going slow talking, laughing and kissing that once we got about half-way we stopped in to a dorm to call a taxi (this was back before c...

A Hole in My Heart Where Sandy Should Be

The past two days have passed with little joy and I find that I'm restless and cannot focus. I don't like being home because of the thousand reminders of my sweet Sandy and yet I can't be away because I don't feel like engaging in anything other than my own personal sorrow. Yes, she was 'just a dog' but oh what a dog she was. . . I learned a lot about loyalty and unconditional love from Sandy. And in that, I believe that God gives us these loving dogs so that we can learn a little about His love for us - that unconditional love. Even on my worst day when I might not have been paying much attention to Sandy, she was still there and still loving. Wow. There is no doubt in my mind that putting her down and out of her misery was the right thing for Sandy - she must have been so riddled with cancer and in such pain. Her last day she couldn't even keep water down; I imagine that her entire body must have been affected by the cancer. Then I think back to her last d...