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Patient no more!

I am thrilled to have something positive and affirming to focus on - the results of John's PET scan came back and it shows all clear!! The Ziggy cloud seems to be moving and I feel I can see the sun!!! It was the light at the end of the tunnel that has been guiding us along the way.

We will celebrate with a dinner out on Saturday - and I'm sure it will be an ongoing celebration each time we are reminded, again, about the good news. The past six months have been an arduous lesson in what is really important in this life.

We took Michael back to school on Tuesday - and this year was a lot less emotional for this mom. Maybe it's because I'm numb from the many tests endured this year. Maybe it was less disquieting because it was his second year and we knew it was a good place for Michael. Maybe it was on account that his housemates were upstanding and quite likable. Maybe because Michael, himself, was so eager to return. Most likely, however, is the combination of the all of the above.

So the patient is no longer a patient and I no longer need to be the patient caregiver (I wasn't very patient after all!). I can once again return to my place of normalcy - that of wife and overly involved mother. And maybe, this year once school resumes, I will find my discipline and return to that comfortable position of "writer". I am feeling the call.

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It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

I put my pride aside and got my ass off the grass and into the wheelchair. {I spent a couple minutes deciding whether to put an exclamation mark after that declaration or to put the period after that statement. I think the period better suits my mood about getting said ass into the wheelchair!} On July 4, Saugatuck has a wonderfully unique parade that includes quirky participants like the artsy-fartsy campers at OxBow art colony and the LGBT members of a local foundation along with the more traditional participants like Girl Scouts, fire trucks, and local politicians. It had been a couple years since I had been to the parade, this year, though, my Mom and sister were in town and I wanted to take them. So we loaded up in the van, including Kerri's wheelchair and my own. Once we parked, John asked if I wanted to use my chair and I initially balked but then remembered that it can be a long, hot parade and it might be better to have a place to sit. So, I acquiesced and took the cha...

A Hole in My Heart Where Sandy Should Be

The past two days have passed with little joy and I find that I'm restless and cannot focus. I don't like being home because of the thousand reminders of my sweet Sandy and yet I can't be away because I don't feel like engaging in anything other than my own personal sorrow. Yes, she was 'just a dog' but oh what a dog she was. . . I learned a lot about loyalty and unconditional love from Sandy. And in that, I believe that God gives us these loving dogs so that we can learn a little about His love for us - that unconditional love. Even on my worst day when I might not have been paying much attention to Sandy, she was still there and still loving. Wow. There is no doubt in my mind that putting her down and out of her misery was the right thing for Sandy - she must have been so riddled with cancer and in such pain. Her last day she couldn't even keep water down; I imagine that her entire body must have been affected by the cancer. Then I think back to her last d...

I'd rather live in a small town

I have a secret - I used to have a huge crush on John Cougar Mellencamp (I think he just goes by John Mellencamp now). He was a Midwestern , rocker, bad boy and I was a Midwestern , disco, good girl. We didn't have a lot in common - but many of his lyrics made me believe we did! I recently heard his Small Town song (don't even know the real title!) - he sings of living in a small town and all of it's benefits. It rang truer than ever - especially after the year we've had. I love living in this small town partly because everyone knows everyone and everyone apparently knows your business. That might sound like a bad thing - but it's actually a good thing. People you hardly know will drop off cookies when they hear your husband has cancer and people you know a little will call and ask if "Tuesday is a good day for me to bring by dinner". And people you know well will organize many people to take care of the many tasks that seem monumental when you're...