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Insult to injury


Add insult to injury.
My hair is gray. AND thinning!!!

And to pile on to my grievances, I am losing weight but most of it appears to be coming from my face and breasts.

 Yikes. I'm having a difficult time feeling like the hot-mama I used to be or to trick myself into believing I still am.

 Hell, the wheelchair definitely doesn't help.

 On a recent bar-hopping excursion (when we crashed our friend's anniversary celebration), we went to several establishments I frequented in my younger and wilder hot-mama days. It was a night of dichotomys. The me that I was would have never looked twice at the me that I am. But I so wanted to jump out of my skin and chair and celebrate like I used to. Okay, maybe not exactly like I used to (I am after all 50 something and the mother of three adult children), but just for a moment and without any recriminating video proof!!

 But now I'm getting over myself as I realize nearly every woman over 50 probably feels something akin to what am feeling. Mine is just exacerbated by the wheelchair. We feel loss - a loss of visibility in a way. Loss of sex appeal. Loss of an identity in a way - while my confidence in who I am has increased, my confidence in my appeal has diminished. And most days it's not a big deal, but that night I felt the loss acutely. 

 But then I woke up the next morning to John bringing me coffee and a day full of life 'outside my head'. Pity party was over.

 But the insult is that aging isn't always pretty. 

 BUT, I am.

 Wheelchair, thinning gray hair or extra 20 pounds or not. I am pretty. 

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