Skip to main content

Insult to injury


Add insult to injury.
My hair is gray. AND thinning!!!

And to pile on to my grievances, I am losing weight but most of it appears to be coming from my face and breasts.

 Yikes. I'm having a difficult time feeling like the hot-mama I used to be or to trick myself into believing I still am.

 Hell, the wheelchair definitely doesn't help.

 On a recent bar-hopping excursion (when we crashed our friend's anniversary celebration), we went to several establishments I frequented in my younger and wilder hot-mama days. It was a night of dichotomys. The me that I was would have never looked twice at the me that I am. But I so wanted to jump out of my skin and chair and celebrate like I used to. Okay, maybe not exactly like I used to (I am after all 50 something and the mother of three adult children), but just for a moment and without any recriminating video proof!!

 But now I'm getting over myself as I realize nearly every woman over 50 probably feels something akin to what am feeling. Mine is just exacerbated by the wheelchair. We feel loss - a loss of visibility in a way. Loss of sex appeal. Loss of an identity in a way - while my confidence in who I am has increased, my confidence in my appeal has diminished. And most days it's not a big deal, but that night I felt the loss acutely. 

 But then I woke up the next morning to John bringing me coffee and a day full of life 'outside my head'. Pity party was over.

 But the insult is that aging isn't always pretty. 

 BUT, I am.

 Wheelchair, thinning gray hair or extra 20 pounds or not. I am pretty. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

The Peri-Empty Nest Years

I am in the midst of a 'peri-empty nest syndrome'. Don't bother wondering where that syndrome came from - I just made it up. It's a combination of perimenopause and something else I can't quite remember right now. But that something I forgot was some sort of syndrome. My nest is slowly emptying. Michael is away at college and comes home on breaks; though he may get an internship this summer and not be home at all. Matthew as a junior is looking at colleges and is busy with a myriad of activities and friends and is home between the two (activities and friends). Delaney is busy with rehearsals, practices and friends in Holland - her new high school is there. And I am the mama bird at home in the nest that still needs to be cared for watching her birdies fly away or on test runs for the big fly-off. It is a strange feeling. Everyone I know that's an empty nester says it's great after the initial shock wears off (the dads say it takes about 30 minutes, the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Don't cry for me ...

Song lyrics or titles run through my mind to often sum up a situation or add humor to one. Today, it's "Don't Cry for Me Argentina". Only today the title is "Don't cry for me anybody"! I mean, I get it, that people feel bad that I've got breast cancer and that I've been living with MS for nearly 27 years. And I've had other issues that I've blogged about related to #metoo. I get that it seems like a lot looking in from the outside. I hear your comments and appreciate your support. But here's the thing, it doesn't feel overwhelming to me, looking out from the inside. Know what I mean? I live the life that I've been dealt and do it with the personality and faith I've been given. Which means, I could do one of the following: A. Have a miserable, pity-me attitude that would lead to being  miserable; B. Lean into my troubles and seek answers constantly either through research or angrily with God, which would lea...
1 comment
Read more

The summer that wasn't

It's July 30. Summer, right? Wrong!!! In Michigan, we had our summer two weeks ago for about 10 days. Saw a recent post on Facebook that read:"You know you're in Michigan when you wear your bathing suit on Monday and your parka on Tuesday." We sweltered for a week or two and then were chilled again. That's where we are now. Chilling at 70. Weather aside, it no longer feels much like summer. The back-to-school ads, commercials, displays and talk have begun full-force. And I feel like I just got used to having the three-not-so-little Piggins home again and now I have to get them ready for school. Delaney has a little longer, but Michael leaves for Wayne State law in two weeks and Matthew for his sophomore year at DePauw in three.  I get the nest re-feathered and damn these 'baby' birds but they stay for too short a time then fly away. *sigh* Since this is the "glass half full" blog of a pseudo-Pollyanna, I will revert to thinking positively ...
Post a Comment
Read more