Skip to main content

The Peri-Empty Nest Years

I am in the midst of a 'peri-empty nest syndrome'. Don't bother wondering where that syndrome came from - I just made it up. It's a combination of perimenopause and something else I can't quite remember right now. But that something I forgot was some sort of syndrome.

My nest is slowly emptying. Michael is away at college and comes home on breaks; though he may get an internship this summer and not be home at all. Matthew as a junior is looking at colleges and is busy with a myriad of activities and friends and is home between the two (activities and friends). Delaney is busy with rehearsals, practices and friends in Holland - her new high school is there.

And I am the mama bird at home in the nest that still needs to be cared for watching her birdies fly away or on test runs for the big fly-off. It is a strange feeling.

Everyone I know that's an empty nester says it's great after the initial shock wears off (the dads say it takes about 30 minutes, the moms say it takes about 24 hours). I imagine that I will feel the same since I believe that John and I prepared the three-not-so-little Piggins well and I pray daily that they will continue on the right paths. I am sure I will shed more than a few tears as each step off and fly away; but I will turn back to the nest, sigh and find solace in something that requires my attention and fills my heart and mind.

It's the time right before that's filled with melancholy. I have spent the vast majority of the past 20 years parenting; and at times it was my full-time job with no other employment outside the home. My life has been full of their schedules, needs, interests and joy. They need me less now - they need be to be there for them but they don't need me to 'fix' things for them or do much more than drive and cook.

It's also a time that's filled with great joy. I am in awe at the people they are becoming and very much enjoy talking with each of them! They are smart, funny and talented  - people that I would want to be friends with if they weren't my children. I can think of a hundred times recently when I laughed at something they said or marvel at an insight they've had.

When I was pregnant with Michael, I read "What to Expect When Expecting" and then read "What to Expect the First Year". I picked both books up occasionally with Matthew and Delaney because each child is unique. They were great references for me and answered quite a few questions along the way. I think I need to read (maybe I should write?), "What to Expect When Your Nest is Emptying"! Because like pregnancy and parenting, there is little to prepare you for this stage of life!

Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Fall of Giants

I've long been a fan of historical fiction and just this past Christmas I received from my son Michael Ken Follett's most recent book, Fall of Giants. It is the first book of a trilogy that covers the 20th century and the first installment covers the early 1900s up to just after World War I. It includes characters based in Russia in the time of their revolution. While I studied the Russian Revolution in college, this book brought much back to me - including the chaos that reigned for years leading up to the revolution and continuing throughout. I write about this today because the Egyptian revolution reminds me of the Russian revolution. The Russian revolution started out quietly and largely as a protest against a harsh and autocratic government - the Tsar. The Russian people didn't have a say in their government and were very poor while the royalty in Russia lived large. The secret police in Russia often killed and imprisoned people for no apparent reason and there were ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Don't cry for me ...

Song lyrics or titles run through my mind to often sum up a situation or add humor to one. Today, it's "Don't Cry for Me Argentina". Only today the title is "Don't cry for me anybody"! I mean, I get it, that people feel bad that I've got breast cancer and that I've been living with MS for nearly 27 years. And I've had other issues that I've blogged about related to #metoo. I get that it seems like a lot looking in from the outside. I hear your comments and appreciate your support. But here's the thing, it doesn't feel overwhelming to me, looking out from the inside. Know what I mean? I live the life that I've been dealt and do it with the personality and faith I've been given. Which means, I could do one of the following: A. Have a miserable, pity-me attitude that would lead to being  miserable; B. Lean into my troubles and seek answers constantly either through research or angrily with God, which would lea...
1 comment
Read more

Funny, Furry Four-legged Friend

Even before we got her, I knew what she would look like and we, as a family, had even decided on her name. Because she was going to be a sandy color and we live near the beach we decided that Sandy was the ideal name. It really didn't take a whole lot of debate, which is a rarity in this home! And then when we saw her - I knew. She was small enough that she almost fit in the palm of my hand and as I held her, I looked in those big, brown eyes and she calmly looked back. We shared a moment. And it is that moment that I keep remembering as today creeps slowly by - knowing that my dear, sweet Sandy will not be with this family or on this earth much longer. I am relishing that moment - it was the beginning. We have had a couple similar moments today - when I have been petting her and she looks up at me with the same love and loyalty I've cherished for seven years. We learned this morning that she has cancer - and has likely had it for some time. The vet, Dr. Jim, was compassionate ...
1 comment
Read more