Skip to main content

The Peri-Empty Nest Years

I am in the midst of a 'peri-empty nest syndrome'. Don't bother wondering where that syndrome came from - I just made it up. It's a combination of perimenopause and something else I can't quite remember right now. But that something I forgot was some sort of syndrome.

My nest is slowly emptying. Michael is away at college and comes home on breaks; though he may get an internship this summer and not be home at all. Matthew as a junior is looking at colleges and is busy with a myriad of activities and friends and is home between the two (activities and friends). Delaney is busy with rehearsals, practices and friends in Holland - her new high school is there.

And I am the mama bird at home in the nest that still needs to be cared for watching her birdies fly away or on test runs for the big fly-off. It is a strange feeling.

Everyone I know that's an empty nester says it's great after the initial shock wears off (the dads say it takes about 30 minutes, the moms say it takes about 24 hours). I imagine that I will feel the same since I believe that John and I prepared the three-not-so-little Piggins well and I pray daily that they will continue on the right paths. I am sure I will shed more than a few tears as each step off and fly away; but I will turn back to the nest, sigh and find solace in something that requires my attention and fills my heart and mind.

It's the time right before that's filled with melancholy. I have spent the vast majority of the past 20 years parenting; and at times it was my full-time job with no other employment outside the home. My life has been full of their schedules, needs, interests and joy. They need me less now - they need be to be there for them but they don't need me to 'fix' things for them or do much more than drive and cook.

It's also a time that's filled with great joy. I am in awe at the people they are becoming and very much enjoy talking with each of them! They are smart, funny and talented  - people that I would want to be friends with if they weren't my children. I can think of a hundred times recently when I laughed at something they said or marvel at an insight they've had.

When I was pregnant with Michael, I read "What to Expect When Expecting" and then read "What to Expect the First Year". I picked both books up occasionally with Matthew and Delaney because each child is unique. They were great references for me and answered quite a few questions along the way. I think I need to read (maybe I should write?), "What to Expect When Your Nest is Emptying"! Because like pregnancy and parenting, there is little to prepare you for this stage of life!

Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Ten Year

When I was in junior high school, I staged a sit-in and learned about 'ten year'. This will come as a total surprise to most of you readers - I was not a perfectly well behaved child. I know, I know - you're shocked, amazed, in wonder how I could have turned out to be so well-behaved despite the oats sown in my youth.  And the sit-in is a perfect example of how I marched to the beat of my own drummer. Miss Brown was an English teacher - and not a very popular one. She would invoke the yardstick on wayward student's hands and scowl the moment we walked into the classroom. We weren't very kind to Miss Brown but then she wasn't very kind to us, either. Personally, the hardest part of having Miss Brown as an English teacher is that she nearly ruined my love of my favorite topic in school. It was the year we were to learn grammar (have I ever mentioned that as a writer I detest grammar?). I think some new way of teaching English was introduced and in all l...
5 comments
Read more

The world according to Gimp

  I understand that there are those who may believe my use of the term 'gimp' is derogatory or demeaning. I do not use it lightly or to belittle anyone, it's just a lot easier for me to than 'disabled' or 'handicapped' because it uses a little snark or humor to something that could use a little of that. Or in this case, I specifically want to make light of my situation so that it doesn't feel depressing. For you or me. Let me try to explain.  One of my pet peeves is the look of sympathy I get from well-meaning people. Like, "Aw, sweetie, I am so sorry that you are less abled, confined to a wheelchair and less able to live the full, active life that I lead."  I am in a wheelchair most of the time and my life is different because of that but in truth I never wanted to run a marathon of play pickleball or climb Mt. Baldhead (I've done the latter too many times usually bringing up the rear of the group I was with and/or being cheered on by the ...
Post a Comment
Read more

When you encounter a totally different reality

John and I arrived early for an appointment (for those of you that know my husband, you know that this is not infrequent! The story of arriving three hours early for a flight to Phoenix from Midway still gets repeated and laughed about when the 'kids' get together). We found a seat and the waiting room began to fill. We had chosen seats away from the TV where NBC's Today Show was playing, so we couldn't see what was on the screen. Another couple sat before the TV and provided commentary and as the time progressed provided a glimpse into a total different 'reality'. "Oh I can't even stand to look at him. He's so evil" "What is wrong with his hair?" "This administration will do down in history as the worst ever." "The federal government is taking over the states. There's going to be a civil war, just you wait." "They just let all those illegal aliens in and then they're going to give them weapons to take...
1 comment
Read more