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Time

I have been reading through the blog entries for John's caringbridge site and am marveling that it was only a year ago we were on that awful cancer journey. In a way it seems like so much longer - especially when I look at the Patient Patient and see just how wonderfully handsome and healthy he looks!

John still has periodic visits with the docs in A2 and prior to each we are both a little nervous that the docs might find something. He calls after each visit and we breathe a sigh of relief when the docs declare that all is clear! We know patients that went through treatment at the same time haven't received the same news; our concerns are grounded in reality and our sense of relief immense.

In the past year, we have heard of far too many people that have received a diagnosis of cancer - prostrate, breast, throat, etc. While the type of cancer may be very different, the family's reaction and the ultimate course of treatment may vary greatly. The family and loved ones go through an initial period of shock and then a gambit of emotions after. The treatment can range from surgery followed by radiation and/or chemo or just the toxic cocktails.

Here's why I'm blogging about this tonight - as many of you know, I'm a writer that has had varying degrees of commitment! But I am committed to my new project - I am finally, at last, writing a book. I know, you'll believe it when you read it!! It will is in the format of a blog similar to the caringbridge.org blogs and will be a look at a family going through cancer. Since it will be written by me and in my voice it will have humorous insights about and reactions to the cancer journey. One journey that unfortunately far too many of us have had to take.

It can, perhaps, be looked at as my loving tribute to the patient Patient. Or a tribute to my two sisters that have endured breast cancer treatments. Or to the many other friends and family that have also been on this journey. In any case, it will be a tribute to cancer survivors and equally important, their families and loved ones that joined them on the journey.

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It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Ten Year

When I was in junior high school, I staged a sit-in and learned about 'ten year'. This will come as a total surprise to most of you readers - I was not a perfectly well behaved child. I know, I know - you're shocked, amazed, in wonder how I could have turned out to be so well-behaved despite the oats sown in my youth.  And the sit-in is a perfect example of how I marched to the beat of my own drummer. Miss Brown was an English teacher - and not a very popular one. She would invoke the yardstick on wayward student's hands and scowl the moment we walked into the classroom. We weren't very kind to Miss Brown but then she wasn't very kind to us, either. Personally, the hardest part of having Miss Brown as an English teacher is that she nearly ruined my love of my favorite topic in school. It was the year we were to learn grammar (have I ever mentioned that as a writer I detest grammar?). I think some new way of teaching English was introduced and in all l...

Blubbering Idiot

While doing crunches this morning, I turned on the TV to keep my mind off the exercise I was about to do and the movie "Gran Torino" was playing. It was nearly 3/4 of the way done. Perfect, I thought, I can watch the end of one of my newest favorite movies. Fifteen minutes later, I'm a puddle of tears on the floor. The end of that movie dissolves me to tears every time - and I think I've seen it now about six or seven times. When Clint Eastwood's character goes about his last day - including a lame confession with the priest - locking 'Toad' in the basement, I begin to get weepy. SCENE SPOILER ALERT ! But when he is shot down and is splayed as though crucified on the cross, I become a blubbering idiot. So much softness and sacrifice in one so tough and gruff - it highlights the intensity of his sacrifice for his new family next door. I only need watch the last few minutes of "Gran Torino" to get the full emotional effect. The same can be said...

Hair today gone tomorrow

Before you all begin to think I’m breezing completely through chemo, let me remind you of this:   For the most part I am bald. Or if not completely bald, fuzzy headed, and not in the way I think or am thinking, but in the appearance. A little like a hedgehog or a porcupine with bald patches. On Super Bowl Sunday while most of you were overeating or filling out those little squares to wager on the upcoming game, John and I were having a unique pre-game party. In front of our bathroom mirror with clippers and scissors. Preparing for the certainty of hair loss from my chemo, I decided to buzz my locks to lessen the shock and mess of of losing large chunks of my silver, shoulder-length hair. It was in all honesty one of the most poignant moments in our 30+  year marriage. I had originally asked my friend and former stylist if she could do it . But when I shared my plan with John, he said that he wanted to do it. Certainly that was not expected. So instead of watching th...