Look what I found!?!
I wrote this essay for the Grand Rapids Press in 2004 - about being in a politically mixed-marriage. While that still holds true - one of us isn't voting for their party's silver-spoon, narcissistic, bullying, blowhard candidate.
Essay gr press
Sun. Oct. 17, 2004
Couple face a great
debate
Mixed marriage means
he’s for Bush, she’s for Kerry
I am in a mixed marriage; I am a liberal with Democratic
preferences and my husband is a Republican. Together, we are raising bipartisan
children, as well as each other’s blood pressure every four years.
Many people have looked at us in amazement, that we could
have such divergent political beliefs and yet find in each other the ideal life
partner. I will not lie and say it has not been without turmoil – especially during
the Monica Lewinsky debacle and in this most-heated Presidential election. Yet,
underneath it all, our core beliefs are the same. We long for a world that will
be a better world for our children. We just disagree, I suppose, on how to get
there.
Shades of
Matalin-Carville
I enjoy watching Mary Matalin and James Carville – we can
relate to their debates. However, we are different than this poster couple for
political diversity in the home on several levels. First, they are professional
political pundits and are paid for their differences. John and I are not- he is
an attorney and I am a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer. My husband’s
profession makes him a much better debater, and I am a sentimental Irish person
who tears up in conflict. Second, she is the Republican and he is the Democrat.
I believe most women vote with their hearts first, while
most men vote their pocketbooks. Standard party lines dictate Democrats have
their hearts on their sleeves and Republicans guard their wallets. I believe
strongly that we should take care of those who cannot take care of themselves,
and I believe we need to add our voice for those who do not have one. I vote
for causes and candidates that support those core beliefs – Golden Rule
candidates.
My husband, however, views those causes are creating bigger
government and increasing taxes- two outcomes he and most Republicans strongly
oppose. After a recent family trip to our nation’s capitol I was appalled at
the sheer size of our government and made comments to that effect. John thought
that at last I had been ‘won’ over. Instead, I viewed the excess in terms of
spaces we have made for lobbying and special interests; two outcomes I see as
more Republican than Democrat.
Signs of dissent
I read a recent front-page story in the Grand Rapids Press
about two families in East Grand Rapids that had lawn signs for opposing
candidates and I snickered. If only it were that simple, I thought; if we had
lawn signs, there would likely be signs for each party in each election.
We decided many years ago that lawn signs would be taboo in
this house. There have been very few exceptions, the most recent was when we
both agreed that Proposal One was not in the best interest of our children and
we had a lawn sign and bumper stickers.
My bumper has usually been stickered with my views,
including the Million Mom March, the environment and other issues. In this
Presidential election, however, my other half has twice relocated my
Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker to the bottom of the bumper. He didn’t want to be
accused or ‘removing’ it! I think he should just get his own bumper sticker and
leave mine alone!
I watched the debate with my husband and oldest son. I found
myself biting my tongue, knowing that my snide comments would have been met
with a quip from the Rush Limbaugh show. Instead, we each politely made
comments and then listened as our son was the one for wise insight.
There is a benefit to our differing views
It was then that I realized the best reason for us to have
opposing views. Or three children are exposed to free expression of divergent
political opinions; they get to hear their mother and father actually discuss
issues. My younger son came home from school one day voicing his support for
the Bush/Cheney ticket and he gave fairly sound (for a Republican!) reasons for
his support. My daughter wants to go to political rallies and our oldest son is
active in Youth in Government. I wonder how many children from families with parents
holding similar beliefs c=get to actually hear other sides of the story. Do
those children arrive at their own opinions or do they merely repeat what their
parents say?
Politics has become even more divisive in recent years. The
presidential election of 2004 is more difficult and that has been played out at
our home. The discussions are fewer because it’s more intense and we both try
not to personalize politics. With the Rush Limbaughs, Ann Coulters and Michael Moores
of the world coming into our homes and lives, it is hard not to get emotional.
I dearly wanted to see “Fahrenheit 911” with my husband and he wants me to see
the humor in Rush. Not going to happen.
My brother was recently sent to Iraq – after too many years serving
or country with the Marines (he saw duty in the first Gulf War) as a reserve
they needed him to fight a war I dearly opposed from the first hints of
conflict of over two years ago. I try not to discuss it because I know that
many would view my opposition as a lack of support for my brother. It is
because I not only support but love my brother that my opposition to the war in
Iraq has increased.
The war is something my husband and I have had a difficult
time discussing. I bring this up simply because not too long before we went
into Iraq, John and I were like most of the world in our support of the war on
terrorism and the invasion of Afghanistan. When those towers fell, we were one
world and our country saw support from all factions. John and I agreed that we
needed to attack and get Osama bin Laden. It was not a Republican/Democrat
thing. We are, however, in disagreement about Iraq and we have fund the harmony
of support has dissipated.
We have a cartoon on our refrigerator showing a couple going
to vote – they said “We’re here to cancel out each other’s vote.” I think this
year, I will try to sabotage my husband’s attempts to make it to the polls.
That would make my vote count twice!
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