A real blast from the past!

Look what I found!?!

I wrote this essay for the Grand Rapids Press in 2004 - about being in a politically mixed-marriage. While that still holds true - one of us isn't voting for their party's silver-spoon, narcissistic, bullying, blowhard candidate.

Essay gr press

Sun. Oct. 17, 2004

Couple face a great debate

Mixed marriage means he’s for Bush, she’s for Kerry

I am in a mixed marriage; I am a liberal with Democratic preferences and my husband is a Republican. Together, we are raising bipartisan children, as well as each other’s blood pressure every four years.

Many people have looked at us in amazement, that we could have such divergent political beliefs and yet find in each other the ideal life partner. I will not lie and say it has not been without turmoil – especially during the Monica Lewinsky debacle and in this most-heated Presidential election. Yet, underneath it all, our core beliefs are the same. We long for a world that will be a better world for our children. We just disagree, I suppose, on how to get there.

Shades of Matalin-Carville

I enjoy watching Mary Matalin and James Carville – we can relate to their debates. However, we are different than this poster couple for political diversity in the home on several levels. First, they are professional political pundits and are paid for their differences. John and I are not- he is an attorney and I am a stay-at-home mom and freelance writer. My husband’s profession makes him a much better debater, and I am a sentimental Irish person who tears up in conflict. Second, she is the Republican and he is the Democrat.

I believe most women vote with their hearts first, while most men vote their pocketbooks. Standard party lines dictate Democrats have their hearts on their sleeves and Republicans guard their wallets. I believe strongly that we should take care of those who cannot take care of themselves, and I believe we need to add our voice for those who do not have one. I vote for causes and candidates that support those core beliefs – Golden Rule candidates.

My husband, however, views those causes are creating bigger government and increasing taxes- two outcomes he and most Republicans strongly oppose. After a recent family trip to our nation’s capitol I was appalled at the sheer size of our government and made comments to that effect. John thought that at last I had been ‘won’ over. Instead, I viewed the excess in terms of spaces we have made for lobbying and special interests; two outcomes I see as more Republican than Democrat.

Signs of dissent

I read a recent front-page story in the Grand Rapids Press about two families in East Grand Rapids that had lawn signs for opposing candidates and I snickered. If only it were that simple, I thought; if we had lawn signs, there would likely be signs for each party in each election.

We decided many years ago that lawn signs would be taboo in this house. There have been very few exceptions, the most recent was when we both agreed that Proposal One was not in the best interest of our children and we had a lawn sign and bumper stickers.

My bumper has usually been stickered with my views, including the Million Mom March, the environment and other issues. In this Presidential election, however, my other half has twice relocated my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker to the bottom of the bumper. He didn’t want to be accused or ‘removing’ it! I think he should just get his own bumper sticker and leave mine alone!

I watched the debate with my husband and oldest son. I found myself biting my tongue, knowing that my snide comments would have been met with a quip from the Rush Limbaugh show. Instead, we each politely made comments and then listened as our son was the one for wise insight.

There is a benefit to our differing views

It was then that I realized the best reason for us to have opposing views. Or three children are exposed to free expression of divergent political opinions; they get to hear their mother and father actually discuss issues. My younger son came home from school one day voicing his support for the Bush/Cheney ticket and he gave fairly sound (for a Republican!) reasons for his support. My daughter wants to go to political rallies and our oldest son is active in Youth in Government. I wonder how many children from families with parents holding similar beliefs c=get to actually hear other sides of the story. Do those children arrive at their own opinions or do they merely repeat what their parents say?

Politics has become even more divisive in recent years. The presidential election of 2004 is more difficult and that has been played out at our home. The discussions are fewer because it’s more intense and we both try not to personalize politics. With the Rush Limbaughs, Ann Coulters and Michael Moores of the world coming into our homes and lives, it is hard not to get emotional. I dearly wanted to see “Fahrenheit 911” with my husband and he wants me to see the humor in Rush. Not going to happen.

My brother was recently sent to Iraq – after too many years serving or country with the Marines (he saw duty in the first Gulf War) as a reserve they needed him to fight a war I dearly opposed from the first hints of conflict of over two years ago. I try not to discuss it because I know that many would view my opposition as a lack of support for my brother. It is because I not only support but love my brother that my opposition to the war in Iraq has increased.

The war is something my husband and I have had a difficult time discussing. I bring this up simply because not too long before we went into Iraq, John and I were like most of the world in our support of the war on terrorism and the invasion of Afghanistan. When those towers fell, we were one world and our country saw support from all factions. John and I agreed that we needed to attack and get Osama bin Laden. It was not a Republican/Democrat thing. We are, however, in disagreement about Iraq and we have fund the harmony of support has dissipated.

We have a cartoon on our refrigerator showing a couple going to vote – they said “We’re here to cancel out each other’s vote.” I think this year, I will try to sabotage my husband’s attempts to make it to the polls. That would make my vote count twice!