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Growing pains


John sent me this article a few months back and I cannot tell you how many times it has resonated with me - especially with our oldest, Michael.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/booming/when-theyre-grown-the-real-pain-begins.html?_r=0

Michael is graduating from Wabash College in May and will be attending law school in the fall. The search for law schools has been totally on his shoulders and I have been amazed at how different this is from when he was looking for colleges. While he was in the driver's seat for the college search, John and I were always there as passengers; visiting colleges, weighing the options and sharing our opinions. The college search process has a place for parents - the admissions counselors always meet with us and we are often as much a target of their marketing/sales pitch as the student. Not so for law or graduate schools - we only know what Michael shares with us.

And that's the way it should be, I know. I have caught myself going online to research law schools and know that this time, my opinion can only be offered after an invitation. No surprise that none has been offered - except maybe to John who is the attorney and been through the process. We weren't even sure if it would be  kosher to go along on visits - we didn't want to be the only parents along with our adult child on a visit! Again, though, Michael asked John and he will be joining him on two upcoming visits.

It's challenging, this new role. As mom, I was the one that they often came to for advise or for a listening ear but the older they get (this includes Matthew now, too) the more often they seek the ear and counsel of their father. The questions and concerns are often more in his area of expertise. Michael and Matthew seem to know that - but they also seem to know that sometimes if they just need to talk or vent or laugh, they can count on mom.

I digress . . . the new role of parent with adult children and who have adult concerns is new to me. When we came home with our babies and a thousand questions on how to care for and raise these bundles, we referred to books or magazines (the internet was in it's infancy then too!). There are thankfully online articles we can refer to - but wouldn't a support group be nice? I am grateful that I have several friends in the same parenting stage and we can share our laments over a glass or two of wine. We are charting unknown-to-us territory so it's nice to have fellow explorers.

My apologies to Michael, though - it's not easy being the firstborn because I learn right along with you. I just hope my mistakes don't land you in long-term therapy!!


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