Skip to main content

Growing pains


John sent me this article a few months back and I cannot tell you how many times it has resonated with me - especially with our oldest, Michael.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/booming/when-theyre-grown-the-real-pain-begins.html?_r=0

Michael is graduating from Wabash College in May and will be attending law school in the fall. The search for law schools has been totally on his shoulders and I have been amazed at how different this is from when he was looking for colleges. While he was in the driver's seat for the college search, John and I were always there as passengers; visiting colleges, weighing the options and sharing our opinions. The college search process has a place for parents - the admissions counselors always meet with us and we are often as much a target of their marketing/sales pitch as the student. Not so for law or graduate schools - we only know what Michael shares with us.

And that's the way it should be, I know. I have caught myself going online to research law schools and know that this time, my opinion can only be offered after an invitation. No surprise that none has been offered - except maybe to John who is the attorney and been through the process. We weren't even sure if it would be  kosher to go along on visits - we didn't want to be the only parents along with our adult child on a visit! Again, though, Michael asked John and he will be joining him on two upcoming visits.

It's challenging, this new role. As mom, I was the one that they often came to for advise or for a listening ear but the older they get (this includes Matthew now, too) the more often they seek the ear and counsel of their father. The questions and concerns are often more in his area of expertise. Michael and Matthew seem to know that - but they also seem to know that sometimes if they just need to talk or vent or laugh, they can count on mom.

I digress . . . the new role of parent with adult children and who have adult concerns is new to me. When we came home with our babies and a thousand questions on how to care for and raise these bundles, we referred to books or magazines (the internet was in it's infancy then too!). There are thankfully online articles we can refer to - but wouldn't a support group be nice? I am grateful that I have several friends in the same parenting stage and we can share our laments over a glass or two of wine. We are charting unknown-to-us territory so it's nice to have fellow explorers.

My apologies to Michael, though - it's not easy being the firstborn because I learn right along with you. I just hope my mistakes don't land you in long-term therapy!!


Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

Francis of Assisi would run away from home if he lived here!

The title might be a bit extreme - Francis might just go to his room and shut the door and put a pillow over his head to silence the 'noise'. I have done that on occasion. And not because I have toddlers, or a kid that plays the drums or even really loud kids - it's because I live in a house where there is one lawyer, one law school student, and two more potential lawyers. And me - the one singing "Let there be peace on earth . . ." The other four Piggins family members enjoy debating. Sometimes, I think for the sake of the debate. John, Michael, Matthew and Delaney seem to really like these 'discussions'. For instance, we were watching a television show recently - I cannot even recall which one, but it seemed fairly bland - when one of the barrister Piggins made a comment that inspired disagreement from another barrister Piggins. That inspired another from another. And then one more from another until the four of them were debating on some point that wa...
Post a Comment
Read more

You don't know me . . .

I stopped blogging for awhile. I know some might think that I was being lazy, or overly-involved in some community or school venture or in the middle of some really good books or projects. While all of those are true, that's not the main reason. I stopped because it felt strange to be somewhere and have someone refer to something I wrote. It was like they knew a secret about me (though secrets are not usually published on the Web) that I hadn't shared with them. Though in reality I had shared because I wrote it on the blog.  Truth be told, I don't know who reads this - I have a smattering of followers but a lot more readers. Blogger lets me see how many page views for each posting and I can even tell the referral site. The most I have had for any post was 152 and I've had readers from as far away as New Zealand (thank you Gretchen) and Alaska. Most readers are referred through Facebook. I know that if I were more diligent, I could market the crap out of the blog ...
Post a Comment
Read more

WWJD?

What would Jesus do? I love to ponder that question when faced with a difficult or challenging decision. Like many of you, I had one of the WWJD wristbands and it worked as a great visual, moral compass. In situations like: "Should I start swearing at the driver of the car going 55 in the left lane of an interstate with a posted speed limit of 70 with the three little Piggins in the back seats of my mini-van?" First, even though Jesus never had a mini-van or children for that matter (unless you read or watched 'The Da Vinci Code' and follow the story line of Mary Magdalene being the wife of Jesus ... boy did I digress!), I'm pretty sure in this case, Jesus would not have sworn and certainly not thought awful thoughts about some idiot that didn't know that the left lane was for passing ... or how about a situation like this: You're in the express check out lane at the grocery story with the granola bars you promised to bring to your son and his team...
Post a Comment
Read more