Skip to main content

#MeToo (too many times)


I've had many discussions in recent weeks with people that have had a huge spectrum of feelings and viewpoints about the revelations that women have been harassed, assaulted and raped. And many of these were revealed for the first time by the women, some of incidents that happened more than 20 years ago. For the first time in their lives, the women have said that they chose now to reveal because they felt 'safe' or 'supported'.

 In one recent conversation (just after the Harvey Weinstein/Charlie Rose revelations), I was part of, a man asked "Where's the evidence?",
 to which a woman said, "It's just not fair. I mean these women can say whatever they want and ruin these men's lives."

 I held my tongue.

 Another woman said, "I think they're just looking for their 15 minutes of fame."

 The conversation continued around me, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because my heart was racing and blood coursing loudly. Incredulous, I took deep breaths and prayed for the right moment and the right words. As if on cue, that moment came and I hope the words were right. (I'm going to paraphrase what I said):

 "I have to interject here and let you know that I empathize with these women. One of the reasons the women are speaking out after all these years is because there seems to be a sea-change and it now feels safe to speak out about this. The men's lives may be ruined now, but the women's lives were often ruined years ago and they've had to live with the shame and shattered careers or worse. And I think if women were 'just looking for 15 minutes of fame' there would be easier or safer ways to do that."

 Silence. And I could hardly look them in the eye, but I took another deep breath and pressed on.

 "I am one of those women. I was raped in college, molested at 9 and again at 12. I endured sexual harassment from managers and discrimination in the workplace - even a manager that would grab my breasts and make lewd comments. At my annual review after I'd had a particularly stellar year, I was told that my male co-worker would be getting the top accounts because he had a wife that didn't work and two children, while I didn't have any children and my husband was an attorney."

 I looked around the room, at each face, and said, "I wouldn't have shared this a year ago, because I would have felt scorned and isolated. But now that so many other women are sharing their stories, and so many are similar to what I've endured through my life - I feel the safety of numbers by saying, Me Too. This is they way it was, but light is being shone on those dark days, so it doesn't have to be that way ever again. Not for me, or any woman in this room. Or my daughter or nieces. Or my sons or any man in this room."

 #MeToo, way too many times.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

It's not a popularity contest, but ...

When an ass is so much more

  Body image. Body positivity.  Or about coming to an appreciation for a previously much maligned back end.  In junior high (that's middle school for all of you non boomers), I was given the nickname "big butt Bowen". It was a nickname that stung because I did indeed have a large ass. I tried to mask it, a difficult endeavor since the current fashion (and remember this is junior high when fitting in was paramount) was wearing hip hugger jeans with midriff tops and my disguise of choice were peasant blouses or dresses. That style choice earned an additional nickname, Mama Cass. For those of you that don't know who Mama Cass was, she was part of the Mamas and Papas and known for her beautiful voice but also for her large body.  All about Mama Cass I was cruelly nicknamed at a time when nicknames can really mess with a girl's psyche. And I spent a lifetime as that girl with the messed up psyche. I'm sure there are more than one of you out there that can relate. B...
Post a Comment
Read more

When you encounter a totally different reality

John and I arrived early for an appointment (for those of you that know my husband, you know that this is not infrequent! The story of arriving three hours early for a flight to Phoenix from Midway still gets repeated and laughed about when the 'kids' get together). We found a seat and the waiting room began to fill. We had chosen seats away from the TV where NBC's Today Show was playing, so we couldn't see what was on the screen. Another couple sat before the TV and provided commentary and as the time progressed provided a glimpse into a total different 'reality'. "Oh I can't even stand to look at him. He's so evil" "What is wrong with his hair?" "This administration will do down in history as the worst ever." "The federal government is taking over the states. There's going to be a civil war, just you wait." "They just let all those illegal aliens in and then they're going to give them weapons to take...
1 comment
Read more

Vulnerability hangover

I recently blogged about my own #MeToo experiences and then went silent. (At least on the blog). Those posts have been read by over 1000 people, and that's a lot for this tiny little blog about living a life with MS and God and with a sense of humor. Suddenly, I felt like I was living in a world where people that read my blog had x-ray vision and could see my nakedness - but I didn't know who they were. It wasn't a good feeling. And then I heard someone discuss Brene Brown, in particular what she describes as a 'vulnerability hangover'. It's essentially the feeling of regret, like after a night of binge drinking, when you think "What did I do/say?" and then "I think I'll just hide out from the world." If you've never had that experience, kudos to you. It's shame, pure and simple, ugly and raw. So, now I'm on a Brene Brown binge, including all of her TED talks. Including this one on shame:  Brene, listening to shame ...
Post a Comment
Read more