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#MeToo (too many times)


I've had many discussions in recent weeks with people that have had a huge spectrum of feelings and viewpoints about the revelations that women have been harassed, assaulted and raped. And many of these were revealed for the first time by the women, some of incidents that happened more than 20 years ago. For the first time in their lives, the women have said that they chose now to reveal because they felt 'safe' or 'supported'.

 In one recent conversation (just after the Harvey Weinstein/Charlie Rose revelations), I was part of, a man asked "Where's the evidence?",
 to which a woman said, "It's just not fair. I mean these women can say whatever they want and ruin these men's lives."

 I held my tongue.

 Another woman said, "I think they're just looking for their 15 minutes of fame."

 The conversation continued around me, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because my heart was racing and blood coursing loudly. Incredulous, I took deep breaths and prayed for the right moment and the right words. As if on cue, that moment came and I hope the words were right. (I'm going to paraphrase what I said):

 "I have to interject here and let you know that I empathize with these women. One of the reasons the women are speaking out after all these years is because there seems to be a sea-change and it now feels safe to speak out about this. The men's lives may be ruined now, but the women's lives were often ruined years ago and they've had to live with the shame and shattered careers or worse. And I think if women were 'just looking for 15 minutes of fame' there would be easier or safer ways to do that."

 Silence. And I could hardly look them in the eye, but I took another deep breath and pressed on.

 "I am one of those women. I was raped in college, molested at 9 and again at 12. I endured sexual harassment from managers and discrimination in the workplace - even a manager that would grab my breasts and make lewd comments. At my annual review after I'd had a particularly stellar year, I was told that my male co-worker would be getting the top accounts because he had a wife that didn't work and two children, while I didn't have any children and my husband was an attorney."

 I looked around the room, at each face, and said, "I wouldn't have shared this a year ago, because I would have felt scorned and isolated. But now that so many other women are sharing their stories, and so many are similar to what I've endured through my life - I feel the safety of numbers by saying, Me Too. This is they way it was, but light is being shone on those dark days, so it doesn't have to be that way ever again. Not for me, or any woman in this room. Or my daughter or nieces. Or my sons or any man in this room."

 #MeToo, way too many times.

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