Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

I put my pride aside and got my ass off the grass and into the wheelchair.

{I spent a couple minutes deciding whether to put an exclamation mark after that declaration or to put the period after that statement. I think the period better suits my mood about getting said ass into the wheelchair!}

On July 4, Saugatuck has a wonderfully unique parade that includes quirky participants like the artsy-fartsy campers at OxBow art colony and the LGBT members of a local foundation along with the more traditional participants like Girl Scouts, fire trucks, and local politicians. It had been a couple years since I had been to the parade, this year, though, my Mom and sister were in town and I wanted to take them. So we loaded up in the van, including Kerri's wheelchair and my own. Once we parked, John asked if I wanted to use my chair and I initially balked but then remembered that it can be a long, hot parade and it might be better to have a place to sit. So, I acquiesced and took the chair.

Kerri has MS also (she was in her early 20s when she was diagnosed) and has been using a wheelchair for many years now. Plus, she's a natural teacher so with Kerri there to guide me in wheelchair navigation I got into the chair. I struggled to keep the chair going in the direction I wanted - it's a lot trickier than it looks! Thankfully, John was there to right my course and keep me from bumping into buildings or falling off the curbs!

Once we arrived at a good viewing spot, I was grateful for a place to sit. I kept my pride in check as friends and neighbors walked by and stopped to chat. It may not seem like much, but I didn't make excuses for sitting in my wheelchair and despite a few quizzical looks no one asked, "What's with the chair?"

It was a good first official outing for this reluctant 'gimp'. (I wish not to offend - but I use the term gimp often and with humor since I dislike 'disabled' or other more serious descriptors.)

It was so good, that when we ventured to the Waterfront Art Festival on Saturday, I again used the chair though I often stood behind it to better navigate the grass and crowded aisles between the exhibitors. Bolstered in confidence with Kerri by my side and John there to push when needed, I felt even less conspicuous than at the parade.

It is my new reality - and one that will take some time to get used to with little baby steps. Or in this case, little baby wheelings!

I have had MS for 21 years and for most of that time, have been free of any noticeable physical challenges. About seven years ago, I started walking with a more pronounced "Igor Shuffle" where my right leg dragged especially when I was tired. And five years ago, I began to fall occasionally and that precipitated my need to get a cane that I reluctantly, and rarely, used. Three years ago, I reluctantly though always used that damn cane. And last January, I bravely asked my neurologist for a prescription for the chair. That I used once in four months. I am slow to embrace what is obviously needed!

While still able to walk, I cannot with any guarantee walk for very long without falling. The mantra the plays in my head is "Don't fall, don't fall . . ." 
It is a fear of falling more than anything else that has me rolling now - and pride that has prevented me from such a seemingly simple solution (say that fast three times - 'such a seemingly simple solution. such a . . .'). I will walk with my damn cane when I can but now I will occasionally rely on the damn chair, too. I can't let pride prevent me from going out-and-about. Because this big personality is too big to stay at home!