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Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

I put my pride aside and got my ass off the grass and into the wheelchair.

{I spent a couple minutes deciding whether to put an exclamation mark after that declaration or to put the period after that statement. I think the period better suits my mood about getting said ass into the wheelchair!}

On July 4, Saugatuck has a wonderfully unique parade that includes quirky participants like the artsy-fartsy campers at OxBow art colony and the LGBT members of a local foundation along with the more traditional participants like Girl Scouts, fire trucks, and local politicians. It had been a couple years since I had been to the parade, this year, though, my Mom and sister were in town and I wanted to take them. So we loaded up in the van, including Kerri's wheelchair and my own. Once we parked, John asked if I wanted to use my chair and I initially balked but then remembered that it can be a long, hot parade and it might be better to have a place to sit. So, I acquiesced and took the chair.

Kerri has MS also (she was in her early 20s when she was diagnosed) and has been using a wheelchair for many years now. Plus, she's a natural teacher so with Kerri there to guide me in wheelchair navigation I got into the chair. I struggled to keep the chair going in the direction I wanted - it's a lot trickier than it looks! Thankfully, John was there to right my course and keep me from bumping into buildings or falling off the curbs!

Once we arrived at a good viewing spot, I was grateful for a place to sit. I kept my pride in check as friends and neighbors walked by and stopped to chat. It may not seem like much, but I didn't make excuses for sitting in my wheelchair and despite a few quizzical looks no one asked, "What's with the chair?"

It was a good first official outing for this reluctant 'gimp'. (I wish not to offend - but I use the term gimp often and with humor since I dislike 'disabled' or other more serious descriptors.)

It was so good, that when we ventured to the Waterfront Art Festival on Saturday, I again used the chair though I often stood behind it to better navigate the grass and crowded aisles between the exhibitors. Bolstered in confidence with Kerri by my side and John there to push when needed, I felt even less conspicuous than at the parade.

It is my new reality - and one that will take some time to get used to with little baby steps. Or in this case, little baby wheelings!

I have had MS for 21 years and for most of that time, have been free of any noticeable physical challenges. About seven years ago, I started walking with a more pronounced "Igor Shuffle" where my right leg dragged especially when I was tired. And five years ago, I began to fall occasionally and that precipitated my need to get a cane that I reluctantly, and rarely, used. Three years ago, I reluctantly though always used that damn cane. And last January, I bravely asked my neurologist for a prescription for the chair. That I used once in four months. I am slow to embrace what is obviously needed!

While still able to walk, I cannot with any guarantee walk for very long without falling. The mantra the plays in my head is "Don't fall, don't fall . . ." 
It is a fear of falling more than anything else that has me rolling now - and pride that has prevented me from such a seemingly simple solution (say that fast three times - 'such a seemingly simple solution. such a . . .'). I will walk with my damn cane when I can but now I will occasionally rely on the damn chair, too. I can't let pride prevent me from going out-and-about. Because this big personality is too big to stay at home!


Comments

  1. It was a pleasure to chat with you and John downtown at the Waterfront Art Festival on July 6. Obviously it was at least your 2nd brave foray in wheelchair into the broader community. Thank you for your courage and your companionship.

    ReplyDelete
  2. And again, I love you! You are my hero. Have been since 1980. Grateful you were brought in my life.

    ReplyDelete

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